Saturday, 18 February 2017

February Fly on the Wall

Welcome back to everyone's favourite series Fly on the Wall.

Fly on the Wall

In this month's instalment, nine bloggers have joined together to share some of the funny and crazy things you'd see if you were a fly on their wall. Below is a list of all the bloggers joining in today, be sure to visit them all and enjoy all the stories.

Menopausal Mother                     
Eileen’s Perpetually Busy             
Spatulas on Parade                    
A Little Piece of Peace                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                    
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                  
Me: Why is there a wet towel on the floor next to my bed?
Miss K: I didn't crack an egg on the floor.
Me: Did you crack an egg on my bedroom floor?
Miss K: No.
Me: Why did you crack an egg on my floor?
Miss K: I was being a chicken

Miss K: I'm hungry.
Me: Good. There will be plenty of room in your stomach for the meat and vegetables we're having for dinner.
Miss K: I don't want that.
Me: Too bad. This isn't a democracy. Welcome to my dictatorship. You may call me fuhrer.
Miss K: I want a jam sandwich.

Mum has requested we buy her an ancestry DNA test for her 60th birthday next year, and this is the conversation we had where she explained why she wants one.
Mum; We could be vikings!
Nat: You're desperate to be a viking.
Me: I heard we could be bikies, and I was like you don't need a DNA test to become a bikie.

Nat: Have you ever said or heard someone say I'm not here to screw spiders?
Me: No, I can't say I have.
Nat; Apparently it's an Australian saying, but I've never heard it before. It's kind of the Australian version of no shit Sherlock or something.
Me: Well I always figured it was implied that I wasn't intending to screw spiders, and that I didn't need to actually express my intentions when it came to spiders.
Nat: I've seriously never heard any of my friends or anyone else say it before.
Me: Well that could be because your friends are interested in screwing spiders, did you ever think of that?

Nat: Did I ever tell you about the time Ben broke the escalator at Doncaster?
Me: Yes.
Mum: No.
Nat: We went out to a movie and went to Doncaster shopping centre for dinner afterwards. Ben was being smart and raced ahead of us to reach the escalator first, and when he got there he jumped onto the escalator and it stopped dead. The rest of us were on the floor in tears, we couldn't move.
Mum: He's just adventurous.

And now another episode of trying to have a conversation with Sam while she sleeps.

Sam fell asleep while trying to read a birthday invitation her son received. I decided to mess with her and walk up to her and randomly say "and mushrooms" She woke up shortly after.
Sam: What does this invite say?
Me: I don't know, I can't read it from here. Were you dreaming that you were reading it?
Sam: Yeah, It had something about baby chicks, and mushrooms.
Me: Yeah that last bit was me, I just wanted to mess with you.
Sam; You're a bitch.

Sam: Dad was making me drink platypus milk.
Me: What?
Sam: Dad was trying to make me drink platypus milk.
Me: He's such a dick. How did it taste?
Sam: I don't know. I woke up before I got to drink it.

Mum babysits my nephew Jacob every Wednesday so that Josh and Sam can work. I came home early one day while he was still there and he and mum came out to the gate to meet me.
Mum: Who is that?
Jacob: Grandma!
Mum: No, I'm grandma, that's Erin.
Jacob: Erin.
Mum: Can you say hi Erin?
Jacob: Hi grandma!
We then went inside where he donned a pretty sparkly tiara, then grabbed a toy saw to try to cut open our refrigerator with. And this is why mum loves babysitting Jacob.

Mum's computer kept breaking this month, and I was  complaining to Nat about it.
Me: It's probably another virus. I keep telling her not to do those bloody online quizzes but she keeps going back to them. The next time it breaks I'm just going to buy her an Etch-a-Sketch instead.
Nat: That should work.
Me: Although knowing my luck she'd get a virus on that too, then I'd need to buy Norton's anti-virus for Etch-a-Sketch.

My big sister Mandy turned 40 last weekend. Dad went up for the trip, and with the gift he gave a card from him, my sisters Nat and Kim, and Nat's partner Dave. Except because he'd forgotten about Dave's name until Kim reminded him Dave's name was at the very end next to Kim's.
Kim; It's funny because it looks like Dave's here with me.
Dad: No, I was just doing the names in gynaecological order.
Nat: Do you mean chronological order?

Nat: Did I tell you how the orthopedic shoes mum gave me went?
Me: No.
Nat: So I decided to try them out on a walk with Dave. But they were too tight on my toes, so my toes went numb, and then I started getting blisters on my heels, which then burst, so I was in so much pain I started walking like a penguin that had shit itself. In the end I took them off and walked home barefoot.
Me: Oh well just send the shoes to the op-shop.
Nat: Yeah I'm going to. I wanted to leave them on a bench but Dave wouldn't let me
Me: He doesn't think homeless people would appreciate orthopedic shoes?
Nat: Apparently not. Maybe he just doesn't want them to walk around looking like a penguin
Me: That shit itself.
Nat: Exactly.

And the biggest thing you would have seen had you been a fly on the wall at my place this month was my baby girl attending her very first day of school.

This day came way too fast for my liking, but Miss K is loving school so much, and has absolutely no problem leaving me to entertain myself for hours at a time. She's even gotten to the point where she wants to walk to the classroom by herself. I don't know whether to be proud or insulted.

Saturday, 21 January 2017

January Fly on the Wall

Hello again my lovelies, it is time for Fly on the Wall!!! For any of you unfamiliar with this series, today 9 bloggers have all joined together to share what you would see if you were a fly on the wall at their house

Fly on the Wall

Below is a list of all the bloggers participating today. Be sure to visit them all and share the love.

Baking In A Tornado                   
Eileen’s Perpetually Busy            
Go Mama O                            
Spatulas on Parade                    
A Little Piece of Peace                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                             
Cluttered Genius             

Nat and Kim were arguing about Nat's choice of contraceptive
Kim: Get rid of it, it's toxic.
Nat: I don't want to. What contraceptive do you use?
Me: Are you kidding? Her personality is all the contraceptive she needs. It's so effective I don't get laid.

Miss K was playing with her old babyseat and I had to wrestle it off her so she would get ready for bed. She burst into tears and ran into the lounge to my mum.
Mum: What's wrong? What did mum do?
Miss K: She ruined my day.
Me: What did she say I did?
Mum: You ruined her day.
Miss K: No, you ruined my life!
Me: Oh honey if you think that ruined your life I've got bad news for you...

I would have gone off at Miss K for being a drama queen, however I'm also guilty of using this line so it's simply a case of the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Kim: Oh god I'm ruining my skin.
Me: That's ironic because you're ruining my life. 

Kim was reading a warning from the CFA
Kim: There are hazardous fumes leaking from sealos on Waterloo road.
Mum: From where?
Kim: Oh, silos. Sorry

Miss K came to me with a drawing of a bird and the word Ka written all around it.
Miss K: Mum this is a picture of an angry bird.
Me: Is it saying cacca? (Italian word for poop)
Miss K: No, it's saying "You stole my banana"

Nat: We were driving along a road with heaps of hay bales wrapped up in paddocks. Dave explained why they were wrapped up, and then I saw what looked like unwrapped hay bales, so I was like Oh look, there are hay bales they haven't wrapped up yet. Oh wait, never mind those are just sheep. Now every time we go past sheep Dave will point to them and say oh look, hay bales.

I was in a rush and trying to do Miss K's hair.
Me: There you go, it's not perfect but it will do.
Miss K: It's a little bit perfect though right?

On New Years Eve we went to Sam's house for a barbeque which has become a bit of an annual tradition. This year she had found a store that sold confetti cannons in the shape of pop cap guns, so she'd bought a heap for the kids to play with. I of course watched Miss K like a hawk, lecturing her on the correct way to use the gun and making sure she didn't do anything stupid, but it turns out Sam was the one who needed supervising, as she decided she needed to stare into the barrel of the canon as she was shooting it, and got herself right in the face with the confetti. 

Me: Did you know it is possible to be allergic to a man's sperm?
Mum: Yes I did.
Kim: YES! I did know that because...wait a minute, never mind I'm just going to leave that story there.
Mum: Please do.

I had just finished complaining to Miss K's dad that I had put out 15 bags of clothes to be collected by a recycling company and they hadn't bothered taking them when he told me he was just about to head to a second hand store.
Me: Did I ever tell you that you're my favourite stupid person? (Begin to bat my eyelids at him)
Ady: Don't flitter your eyelids at me young lady
Me: It's called batting you idiot, I'm batting my eyelids at you.

I was reading a Buzzfeed article about Spongebob memes when a picture of a krabby patty burger pops up.
Miss K: What is that? Is that a Krabby Patty?
Me: Yes it is. How did you know?
Miss K: Mr Krabs sells them. It doesn't have pickle right?
Me: No, it's got pickle. Who orders it without the pickle?
Miss K: Me. I don't like pickle.
Me: Oh ok. So if I ever order you a Krabby Patty I have to tell them to hold the pickle.
Miss K: Yes please. 

Well that's all from this corner of the world, be sure to visit all the other bloggers participating and continue the laughs. 

Saturday, 24 December 2016

December Fly on the Wall

Hello again my lovelies, it is that time yet again, we're up to the last Fly on the Wall for the year!

Fly on the Wall
This month 8 hardy bloggers are  participating, all sharing the funny and crazy things you would see if you were a fly on their wall. Be sure to visit them all and enjoy the show.

Menopausal Mother                       
Spatulas on Parade                                             
Never Ever Give Up Hope                                     
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                           
Southern Belle Charm                   
A Little Piece of Peace  
Go Mama O     

Kim: I can't wait to be able to get dressed without it being a song and dance.
Me: Then stop singing and dancing while you get dressed.
My dad works for a local car yard, picking up cars they purchase from private sellers and other car yards. One day he had to pick up a hearse someone had purchased and bring it back to the yard. He stopped in to visit Sam and I while we were working.
Dad: Did you see what I drove here in?
Me: What on earth are you doing with that thing? People are going to think someone has died here. Oooh I know what you need to do, you and Sam have to run out of the house screaming, and I'll follow you out doing a zombie shuffle.
Kim bought noise cancelling headphones, and proceeded to test them out while yelling really loudly because of course she couldn't hear her own voice.
Kim: These are great.
Me: No one cares triangle lady. What are you listening to?
I then realised that of course she couldn't hear me.
Me: I fart on your pillow while you're at work.
Kim realises I'm talking to her
Kim: What?
Me: Nothing. How are you enjoying your pinkeye?
Me: Other people sing in the toilet, my daughter beatboxes.
I was working with my big sister Sam one day, and she'd had a rough night's sleep the night before, so she kept falling asleep at her desk. I kept waking her up and trying to have a conversation with her, but things never went as planned.
Me: Sam! Wake up.
Sam: I'll have a super mega shake
Me: What? 
Sam: Sorry, I was dreaming I was ordering from McDonalds.
Me: I've never heard of a super mega shake before
Sam: Yeah, it was a new item on the menu. I was really looking forward to trying it too.
Later on that same day Sam had fallen asleep again and I woke her up again
Sam: Where is my computer screen?
Me: What?
Sam: I'm meant to have two screens, where has the other one gone?
Me: Sam, your laptop is closed.
My little sister Natalie visited a chiropractor this month because she's had ongoing issues with her back since she was a child. Her stories of this visit made me incredibly thankful I've never had to visit one.
Nat: So apparently my eyes were stopping me from being able to use the muscles in my hands.
Me: What?
Nat: Yeah, but she fixed it for me by electrocuting my eye?
Me: What?
Nat: Well it wasn't a real electric shock, it was this weird pulsing thingy. When she figured out what was going on she said "I love this part because it makes me look really smart". She showed me how it worked by pulsing me on my thumb, then she got this really creepy voice and said "And now I'm going to do that to your eye"
I called Nat after her second appointment to see how she went
Me: So did the chiropractor cattle prod your eyeball this time?
Nat: No, but she did it to my bottom.
Me: That means she owns you forever now I think.
Miss K was mucking about on the piano one night, just hitting random keys to make a song.
Mum: What is that song about?
Miss K: It's called scary nights.
Mum: Gary Nice?
Me: She said scary nights mum.
Kim and I were having an argument after she told Miss K that eating ice cream in hot weather would make her sick.
Me: Don't lie to her, she won't get sick if she eats ice cream now
Kim: Well I get sick when I eat ice cream in the hot weather so I just assumed everyone did.
Me: No one ever does anything like you do, you're a genetic reject, have you not realised that yet?
Kim: I think my feelings are hurt right now.
Me: Well get back to me when you're certain
Kim: Dammit I can't even stay mad at you now you bitch, that was too funny.
Kim was picking up some shopping for me
Kim: How many do you want?
I had a mouthful of coffee, so I just held up two fingers
Kim: Trois, ok can do.
Me: I want two. Trois means three you idiot. 
Kim: Un, deux, trois...was just making sure.
Motivational words for my little brother who finally got his learners permit

Well that's all from this crazy corner of the world, I will be back with this series in the new year, with hopefully lots more crazy to share.

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Product review - My Baby Gifts

I know that Christmas is nearly upon us, we are madly counting down the days in this house and the anticipation is almost killing Miss K. But today I want to talk to you about a gift that is perfect for any time of year, and that is baby gifts.

I was contacted recently by the website My Baby Gifts about their range of gifts for new babies, and they kindly offered to send me two of their gift boxes to check out. I am always a sucker for baby stuff, and Miss K seems to be following in my footsteps, because neither of us can go to our local shopping centre without spending at least a few minutes cooing over the teeny tiny baby clothes they have there.

So My Baby Gifts sent over their Spring Baby Girl Hamper as well as their Jamie Pink Nappy Cake and you should have heard the squeals coming from everyone in this house when they finally arrived. I was so excited to get to play with baby clothes again and my ovaries may have exploded at the sight of these beautifully packaged gifts.

The Spring Baby Girl Hamper comes in a beautiful white box, complete with magnet close and a beautiful white bow. Opening this one felt like Christmas had come early at our house. Inside was the most delicate gift set including two bodysuits, one short sleeve and one long sleeve, three sets of baby socks, a bib and a wrap. All of the items except the socks were a sweet pink and white stripe, with a white bow appliqued on the front, perfect for making sure your little one is the best dressed baby in town.

The Jamie Pink Nappy Cake came with a beautiful pink teddy bear, three face washers and three pairs of socks all wrapped up in newborn nappies and kept together with a beautiful muslin wrap. Having attempted to make a nappy cake myself when my  youngest nephew was born, I know how much skill it takes to make one of these look good (spoiler alert, I don't have that skill) so I was super impressed at how sturdy this nappy cake was, as well as how beautiful it was. It is the perfect practical gift for a new parent, but it was presented in such a beautiful way, it would be a truly memorable gift.

My Baby Gifts have gifts from as little as $10 so there is something for every budget. They even have personalised gifts available, as well as gift cards for that hard to buy for person. I may have spent over an hour browsing their website after I received these products, oohing and aahing over everything they sell and secretly wishing my little sisters would hurry up and start popping out babies so I had an excuse to buy something from this website,

So whether it be for baby's first Christmas, or for an expectant mum preparing to pop soon and needs some pampering, check out My Baby Gifts today and be amazed at their incredible range of baby gifts and hampers.

Friday, 9 December 2016

Book Review - Mum's the Word

I've never been a big fan on books giving out advice on parenting. I've always felt that instinct is a better guide than a book written by some stranger who has never met you or your child but still feels qualified to tell you how to do your job. Books written by parents on their own experiences however are always a firm favourite of mine. Which is why I was ecstatic to have been contacted by two Victorian mums and asked to review their book.

Mums the Word is an essay based book written by two best friends about the ups and downs of parenting. From struggling to conceive all the way to the teen years no stone is left unturned in this book of tales from within the trenches of parenting.

I devoured this book in one sitting, forgoing sleep in order to continue prying into the lives of these two women as they struggled with the same things I have struggled with, and some things that I am yet to face. They shared their triumphs, their embarrassments, their horror stories and the things that in hindsight may not have been such a good idea.

Each of the chapters were fairly short and to the point, one of the reasons this book was so easy to get through in one day, as once I was were at the end of one chapter, I was all fired up and wanting more of their heart warming, often funny stories. This book gave a perspective that can only be had with experiencing the joys and hard work that is parenting. It was honest and charming from beginning to end and I finished the book feeling like I knew these women well.

The thing I found most amazing was the things about childhood that seem to be universal. Some of the stories these women told could have been ripped out of the pages of my own childhood, the games their children played, the fights for the front seat in the car, the sibling wars and the stress that is family holidays, all of which stay the same from one generation to the next. This gave me a sense of comfort, as I now know there is so much of my own daughter's childhood that I will understand, as it will be the same as what mine was, what these children's were, and what most children go through. I also loved the times I found myself nodding along with these women and saying "Me too" or more often "Thank God I'm not the only one who has done that"

I cannot recommend Mum's the Word enough. It is the perfect gift for any parent, or you can buy it for yourself so you can remind yourself you're never alone in your job as a parent, and despite how hard it seems in the now, it all works out in the end, and all too soon as well.

If you would like to purchase Mum's the Word, you can find it here as an e-book for any tech savvy readers out there, or to purchase a hard copy, all you need to do is email

 I received a free copy of this book in return for this review. All opinions given here are my own and have in no way been influenced by anyone.

Friday, 25 November 2016

10 easy cleaning jobs that your kids would enjoy

Hello again my lovelies, I have a guest on the blog today discussing getting your kids involved in housekeeping, so please make her feel welcome.

Grace is from London, she writes articles related to cleaning, home improvements and parenting.

10 easy cleaning jobs that your kids would enjoy

Kids are better known with their messiness rather than being neat or having cleaning habits. But it is not hard to think of ways which can make cleaning joy and fun. You just need to choose a job which will be easy for your kids. Nobody wants to do something that looks like mission impossible. And it is very important to think of a reward after all the efforts they’ve put in doing the tasks given. It is also necessary for your kids to know that however easy the job is, it is important. This will make them feel of great value. And at last but not least – don’t just give your children to-do list. Do the work with them. Make them feel like they are actually helping you, not doing your chore.

Now it is time to give you some ideas for easy cleaning jobs that your kids would enjoy:

 1. Emptying trash. The most elementary thing and at the same time essential for a clean house. You can teach your children how to divide the trash into different categories – glass, paper, organic, so you can reach two goals with one thing – to keep the house clean and to think green.

2. Vacuuming. Fast and easy. May be the most preferable cleaning job in the house, especially if your children have big imagination.

 3. Dusting. The only thing which may be difficult in this job is if you have a lot of souvenirs or something else which needs to be moved out and then moved back. It makes the whole work boring and there is a great chance something to be broken. So cleaning services nw7 advises you to keep an eye on your kids while they are doing this task.

 4. Mopping. Doing something with water and soap balloons is always interesting for children. And when it includes wet and slippery floor it could become great entertainment. In this situation it is also possible somebody to get hurt so be careful with this duty.

5. Doing laundry. The best thing in this job is that there is no age limit. The only thing kids need to be capable of is passing things. What’s more, you can teach your kids the different colours if they are at early age.

 6. Folding. It comes as the next logical step after doing the laundry. If folding clothes is still difficult for your children, they can fold only the towels.

7. Wiping the kitchen table. Show your children that it is easy to keep the table and the floor around it clean if they wipe the table after every meal. After that they may do number 8 in this list.

 8. Washing the dishes. Of course not if they are very dirty, greasy, or it is something big like pots for example. At the beginning kids may start with cups, glasses and things that are easy to be washed.

 9. Washing the car together. Don’t expect from them to do a lot in this task, but it will be great fun in the hot summer days.

 10. Keeping their room tidy. Yes, it is possible, however hard. It is a matter of habit. It just takes time, sometimes very long time, of repeatedly and constantly reminding that it will be easier for them to find things they need if they are always at the same place.

I hope you’ve liked, if not all, at least some of the ideas. To make everything look more enjoyable, you can do it like family tradition. Make cleaning and maintenance duties something the whole family is involved in. 

Monday, 21 November 2016

Product Review - Strider Balance Bike

Here in Australia summer is just around the corner, and along with it comes the perfect weather for bike riding. I just recently upgraded Miss K's bike, and now she and her cousin Lexi love tearing around the footpaths on their bikes. The last time I took the girls outside to ride together my poor nephew Jacob had to be left out as he's only 2, so he's too little for the bikes I have here, and until recently he's been too little for his own bike. So when Velogear contacted me offering one of their Strider balance bikes for review I jumped at the chance.

Balance bikes are similar to ordinary two-wheeled bikes however they have no pedals, and they are designed to help train children to balance on a bike, hopefully eliminating the need for training wheels when children get to the point that they are ready for a pedal powered bike. By getting used to having to use your upper body to keep a bike upright from the beginning, and learning the way normal bikes move when not stabilised by training wheels early on in life, you can bypass a lot of the fear and frustration a lot of kids feel when they are learning to ride unassisted. Balance bikes are also a lot lighter and less unwieldy as traditional tricycles or two-wheeled bikes with training wheels attached.

Strider brand balance bikes are particularly good because they are so lightweight and generally simple to assemble. The clamp I received for the handlebars was a bit tight, and my brother ended up having to pry it open to get it to fit on the bike, but I had a look online, and no one else had that complaint, so I'm going to put that one down to a manufacturing issue. In the end we got it on the bike and it held the handlebars tight so all's well.

The bike even comes partially assembled, making your first job of putting it together even easier.

All that was left to do once the bike was assembled was let Jakey take it for a test ride. Because Jacob is naturally fearless, I knew he'd take to this bike like a duck to water, and I was right. He couldn't wait to hop on and start hooning around like his big cousins. Jacob got the feel for pushing himself around with his feet fairly quickly, and as he gets more confident he'll figure out how to get some momentum going and lift his feet up for a real rush. The bike even comes with grips on the foot rests to give some friction and reduce the risk of little feet slipping off the smooth metal.

We noticed at first that the steering was a little tight, but some quick research showed that this was an intentional design feature, included to keep the steering a little bit more controlled while children are still learning how to manoeuvre the bike. With use the steering column does loosen up, so the more confident the kids become, the more they will be able to control the way the bike steers.

We set the steering and seat height to the lowest settings at first, and they ended up being the perfect height for my very short nephew (Hopefully he'll be as tall as his dad when he grows up, but right now he's just a tiny tacker.) The Strider balance bike comes with EVC tyres that will never go flat, eliminating the need to do puncture repairs or continuously fill them with air. The 12" bike is suitable for kids aged 18 months to 5 years, and comes with an extra long pole to  raise the seat high enough to accommodate taller children.

The Strider balance bike is an excellent first bike for any child, so if any of you know a little one who is in need of a first set of wheels, check them out at Velogear today.

With Christmas right around the corner, now is the perfect time to check out the range of bikes and accessories available at Velogear. They offer free shipping on all orders with no minimum spend amount, and they have some of the cheapest prices in Australia. They ship to both Australia and New Zealand, so check them out today and see the amazing range they offer.

I received free products for the purpose of this review. All opinions given here are my own and have in no way been influenced by Strider or anyone else. Searching for Sanity is not affiliated with or Strider Sports International in any way.
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