Saturday, 8 June 2013

Am I completely insane?

Hello again wonderful people that make up my audience, I am back again. I've had a nice little break from writing (actually it was terrible. I missed writing and I missed talking with you guys) but fear not because the holiday is over and I finally have something to say. First of all I have been very relieved over the past few days of stalking reading other blogs online to find out I have not been the only one filled with blog ennui (otherwise known as writers block). For any of my fellow bloggers in Australia, I have a feeling it is the onset of winter that has us feeling uninspired and full of meh. I spend my days enviously reading all of my American blogs filled with summer activities and warm weather and I just want to pack my bag and move north. But given I have a job interview on Tuesday any plans to move will have to be put on hold for now.

That's right, a job interview. I thought I'd just sneak that one in and see if you guys noticed. Once upon a time, (or in 2007 if my old resume is anything to go by) I used to work for a local solicitor as one of her secretaries. The work was fast paced and pretty challenging for someone who hadn't done anything like dictation or writing up legal documents before, but the thing that made me quit was all the horrible stories I heard while working there. There's nothing like listening to everyone's divorce and custody stories to put you in a bad mood every single day. So I quit the job after 6 months and moved to Melbourne to work in yet another call centre. (I can't remember exactly how many call centre's I've worked in, but needless to say it's a lot.) Well fast forward 5 years to when I'm going through my own custody battle, and the only solicitor I wanted to represent me was my former boss. Given I had insider's knowledge to how she works, I knew that she was my best bet for ensuring that Miss K's needs were the main consideration in any custody agreements.

Well we never ended up going to court or even writing up any custody agreements, and Miss K's dad and I ended up sorting everything out on our own, but I did learn from my solicitor that a job would be coming up in her office soon. She told me the job was mine if I wanted to come back, and to my surprise I said yes. Well this was over 7 months ago, and I never heard anything more about it so I put it out of my mind and went back to being a full time mum. On Thursday of this week mum was reading the local paper, and spotted a job ad for my solicitor's office. She told me to call her, but given the ad only gave her postal address and email, I ended up emailing one of the secretaries and asked to be considered for the job. Well less than 12 hours after I sent the email I got a call asking to come in on Tuesday next week. I don't know if this means I've got the job and she wants to discuss starting times etc, or she just wants to do a formal interview in the interest of fairness to all candidates, but just quietly I am soiling my pants at the thought of either prospect.

Not that I'm scared of job interviews, I've had my fair share over the past 11 years, and although not every one of them ever resulted in a job, I have learned over the years how to cruise through them. No, my real fear is that I actually have the job. Now I know that I can do the job, and if I stick around long enough I'll actually be sent off for proper training, but I don't know what going to work will do to me and Miss K. Anyone who has been here for a while will know that I am a big advocate for stay at home mums. However I have known since the beginning that the time would come where I have to return for work. Sadly for me the time has come sooner than I had hoped, as money is nothing more than a rumor around here these days, and with Miss K needing specialist appointments for her eyes, plus therapy for her speech and motor skills, we are struggling to keep our heads above water at the moment.

When I was younger, I had always dreamed of finding the perfect job where I jumped out of bed every morning looking forward to spending the next 8 hours at work. Sadly after 11 years of working (and not working) I am more realistic about what to expect from a job, and know that there is no such thing as the perfect job. I will never look forward to working, and even though there will be good days and bad days, the purpose of work is really for money, and not any kind of personal fulfillment. The work here will be hard, and I will earn every single dollar that I make, but my solicitor takes good care of her staff, and because of her incredible work ethic and knowledge she is never short of clients. (That and divorce is too easy these days.)

But what about my other job? The one that I'll have till the day I die. Miss K is the reason I'm applying for this job, and she will be what most of the money will be spent on, but what is my absence going to do to her? The shortest answer is I don't know, and I won't know until it happens. I know I'll miss so much while at work, and it is part of the trade off for being financially secure, but it just feels so cold to dump her on someone else while I go and play with the big people all day. I am lucky to have a wonderful family who have agreed to help me with taking care of her while I'm at work, so hopefully we won't have to put her in daycare at this stage. That is a small form of relief, because at least I know that while I'm not around she'll still be surrounded by everyone else that she loves and trusts, and she'll get the best care possible. But it also brings up the concern that we are being a burden on my family. Of course they'd tell me I'm being stupid right now, but I can't help but feel this way.

But all of this is just speculation for now, because like I said I still don't know if I have this job. Right now a more pressing concern is the fact that I've been out of work for 3 years now, so my corporate wardrobe is non-existent. So if you'll excuse me I'm off to raid every wardrobe in my family for something to wear. Wish me luck and I'll be back again soon.

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
I'm assuming this is still inappropriate wear for a job interview yes?
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