Thursday, 22 August 2013

The chair killing bottom strikes again and other stories

Hello again people, I know it's been waaay too long between posts, but I've been slowly trying to get into a groove between work and home, and that sadly leaves very little time for extra curricular activities like sharing with you guys. But I'm still here, and things are still going well, and hopefully I will have more to share with you wonderful and patient people soon, especially about my current downsizing. I've been having a huge cull, and have taken the mantra "if you're not going to use it then get rid of it" to extremes by trying to use up a heap of my craft stash so I don't have to throw it away. I'll have more on that as soon as I remember to charge the batteries in my camera so I can take pictures.

So for a bit of a back story, and for anyone who doesn't know how deadly my backside can be to a common chair, check out this post here which goes into details of chairs that I have killed in the past.  Well this week my butt struck again, destroying my office chair at work. Now this time I can't blame sitting on my feet, which is my excuse for most other chairs I've broken (that and shoddy workmanship when building the chairs) as I can't sit on my feet at work. First it is incredibly bad OH&S so I'd get into heaps of trouble, and second I can't operate the dictation machine unless my feet are on the ground. But I have gotten into the terrible habit of throwing myself into my chair while at work, usually because I'm insanely busy, and I don't have time to sit down like a lady, so a lot of my day is spent just diving onto the chair as quickly as possible so I can do the mile long to-do list the boss has just given me before I forget any of it.  Sadly the standard office chair is not designed to be used in such a manner, and my poor chair has been creaking and groaning at me for several weeks now, so  I had a feeling that what happened this week was really inevitable, but it still came as a shock when it finally happened.

It was close to the end of the day, which happens to be the worst time to work in a law firm. That's usually the time when my boss checks over the correspondence for the day, and signs the letters that are good to go out, and returns the ones that need corrections done. So I usually have a massive pile of letters that need to be folded and stuffed into envelopes, another massive pile of letters that need adjustments before they can be signed, stuffed and posted, and yesterday I had a handful of people I had to call to reschedule their appointments because there had been a massive double booking in today's calendar. So needless to say I was incredibly frazzled, and not very worried about being delicate with the office furniture. But this time when I flounced to my desk and threw myself down, my poor chair decided it had had enough, so there was a huge crack sound, followed by a very unprofessional scream from me as I jumped up to save landing ass first on the ground. My office manager happened to be standing next to me when I decided to go all Incredible Hulk on the chair too, so I couldn't even hide the fact that I was destroying the office in front of her. Of course she was more concerned about me than the chair, but I explained that I was so used to chairs breaking underneath me I wasn't even scratched. (Gotta love ninja like reflexes at times like these.)

I inspected the chair and found that one of the five legs had snapped clean off and escaped somewhere to enjoy its new found freedom. I still can't find the leg so it has done a good job of falling off the grid. I just hope the boss doesn't find it on one of her random trips to the front office because then I'll have some explaining to do. Of course if she notices I'm using one of the crappy spare chairs I'll still have some explaining to do, so I can only pray she's too distracted for the next few weeks to start asking any uncomfortable questions. Of course if she does find out about my amazing skills of destruction, I could use it as a bargaining tool in the future. I'll start threatening to break all the chairs in the place simply by sitting down unless I get a longer lunch break, or a higher rate of pay. (Of course she could just use my pay rise to fund the replacement of every chair in the place.) In the meantime I may just start looking at the office catalogs to see if any of the office supply stores in the area sell steel reinforced chairs for flouncers like me.

And so with that I've had to say RIP to yet another brave chair, it tried its best to support my ample frame, but the stress was just too much. Memorial services will be held this Friday, and we ask that instead of buying flowers, you donate the money to the science of finding a chair that I cannot break.

Oh the humanity!
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