Saturday, 18 November 2017

November Fly on the Wall

Hello again my lovelies, it is time for the second last Fly on the Wall for the year. For any newcomers to this series what happens is a group of bloggers all join forces to share with you all the crazy and funny things you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in our houses this month.

Fly on the Wall
This month 7 bloggers are participating. Be sure to visit them all and check out all of the fun.
Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen                
The Blogging 911                       
Miss K: Mum can I have a choc chip cookie please?
Me: No it's too close to dinner time.
Miss K: Please? I want one.
Me: Too bad. Please stop nagging me.
Miss K: Mum can I have a choc chip cookie?
Me: No. I said stop nagging me please.
Miss K: I didn't nag because I didn't say please.
We had a big thunderstorm come through the town yesterday. This is how my nephew Jakey responds to thunder.
Jakey: What was that?
Sam: That was just thunder.
Jakey: No, I think it's a bomb.
I woke up one morning to Miss K making my bed while I was still in it. As it was still early I rolled over and went back to sleep until my alarm when off. When I finally decided to get up all hell broke loose.
Miss K: Mum, you messed up the bed. I just made that.
Me: Welcome to parenting sweetheart, where kids mess your shit up as you're cleaning. Pro tip though, next time don't make the bed while someone is still sleeping in it.
I was helping in Miss K's class when one of her classmates dropped this gem on me
Connor: I'm going to copy Lachy's work because he's smart.
Me: Well I want to see you try to do this for yourself because I know for a fact there's a big brain in that head of yours.
Connor: No, I don't have a brain anymore. You wanna know why?
Me: Ok this should be good, why don't you have a brain anymore?
Connor: Because someone said something so crazy it made my brain explode and now it's gone.
Me: You're going to make my brain explode in a minute Connor. 
So Kim was in hospital this month suffering from organ failure, which you wouldn't think is a laughing matter. Kim didn't seem to get the memo that hospitals are serious however as the following story from Natalie shows.
Nat: When Kim was first admitted she was in and out of consciousness, and there was a heap of doctors around her at all times. One doctor in particular kept making suggestions for treatment options and he kept getting shut down. Obviously Kim was getting tired of it because at one stage she woke up looked at him and said "This is a house of learned doctors and you need to learn to listen." 
Me: Seriously?
Nat: Yeah. She had the doctors in stitches apparently. They told her about it the next morning and she refused to believe them at first. It wasn't until more people kept coming up to her and telling her the same story did she finally believe them. At one of their conferences they discussed a decision they'd made that had worked, and one of the doctors said it worked because they were learned doctors. 
The epilogue to that story is that after several weeks of some very serious treatments Kim is finally better, her organs are working again and she was discharged yesterday to continue healing at home. 

Nat: So Dave and I had an argument the other day.
Me: What was it this time?
Nat: He asked me to remind him to grab his drink bottles before we left to go home and I told him to set himself a reminder on his phone. Halfway home he remembers the drink bottles and he cracked it at me for not reminding him. I went off at him for not setting the reminder like I told him. I figured he realised at the time that was all I was going to do for him, I'm not his mother, and he's old enough to be doing this for himself now.
Me: I feel sorry for your poor children when you finally have them. You're going to be a mean mum.
Nat: What do you mean?
Me: You're six years old now, you're old enough to figure out how to get yourself up and out the door for school now.
Nat: Hey, blame the childcare industry. We're forced to foster independence in kids from a really young age.
Well that's all from this corner of the world, don't forget to visit all the other blogs participating today and keep the fun going.

Saturday, 21 October 2017

October Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for everyone's favourite post, Fly on the Wall. In this series a bunch of bloggers join up to share all of the crazy funny stuff you would see if you were a fly on the wall in their home.

Fly on the Wall

This month 7 bloggers are participating, so be sure to visit them all.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen                
The Blogging 911                       

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Mum: I don't know, something.
Me: Well that narrows it down. Totally eliminates all of that nothing I was going to buy for you.

Me: Miss K get in the kitchen and make your lunch.
Miss K: You have to come with me, I need you.
Me: Why do you need me to be in the kitchen with you?
Miss K: Because I like you.
Me: Well I can't argue with that logic.

My niece Eliza turned 14 this month, and we had teppanyaki to celebrate. One of the dishes we ate was grilled prawn legs, which is an acquired taste to be sure.
Sam: Ever had a burger take a bite out of you?
Me: No, but I've had a prawn kick me in the teeth now. Oh God, it's still kicking on the way down.

Miss K went for her first interstate holiday during the term break this month, which included a trip to all of the super parks on the Gold Coast. She had so many stories to tell when she got back.
Miss K: I saw a kangaroo and a koala and the bird with the blue feathers on top.
Me: Do you mean an emu?
Miss K: No, not an emu, it was the bird with the blue feathers on top.
Me: It could have been a cassowary I guess
Miss K: No it wasn't a cassowary. It was the bird with the blue feathers. He gets chased by the wolf.
Me: Are you talking about the Road Runner?
Miss K: Yeah, the bird with the blue feathers on top.

Mum: So Nat had a weird dream last night.
Me: Oh yeah?
Mum: Yeah, she dreamed she was brushing her teeth, then she woke herself up by spitting into her own hand.
Me: Well that's just...lovely.

Miss K and mum were looking stuff up on the internet.
Miss K: Granny is that you?
Mum: No, that's a man thank you very much.
Me: You might want to run away now little girl.

On another day I was browsing Facebook when Miss K came and sat next to me.
Miss K: Mum is that you?
Me: No it's not me.
Miss K: Who is it then?
Me: I don't know, there are seven billion people in this planet kiddo, and a lot of them have the internet.
Miss K: So is it Aunty Sam then?
Me: Seven billion people kiddo. That is so much more than the ten people you know OK? We don't know who this person is.
Miss K: Is it Nat?
Me: I swear to God my head is about to explode.

Miss K: Can I watch telly?
Me: No, you're banned from watching telly. You're banned from everything right now.
Miss K: I'm hungry, I want dessert.
Me: No, you can't have dessert, you're banned remember? You're banned from everything.
Miss K: I'm not banned from being hungry though.
Me: Yes you are, you're banned from being hungry too so knock it off right now.

Well that's all from around here this month, don't forget to check out all the other blogs participating and see all of the crazy things that have happened elsewhere this month.

Saturday, 23 September 2017

September Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for September Fly on the Wall. In this series 7 bloggers are joining together to share all of the crazy and funny things you'd here if you were a fly on their wall.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen                
The Blogging 911                       

Sam was muttering away to herself one day while we were working.
Me: Are you alright over there?
Sam: Yeah, it's called interesting conversations with interesting people.
Me: And the confused people who overhear them.

It was Father's Day in Australia at the beginning of this month, and Natalie decided to buy mum a megaphone as a Father's Day gift. She gave it to her a day early, while I was out visiting Sam. They then decided to pop in for a surprise visit to Sam's house, where mum walked into the house wearing a dinosaur mask and yelling into the megaphone "This is not a drill, I repeat it is not a drill, it is a megaphone." This would all have been hillarious were Sam and I not in the middle of a business phone call at the time. But we did laugh about the absurdity of the event afterwards.

I knew I was getting a good addition to this post when my little sister Natalie texted me asking if I was allowed to say coffee tits on my blog. The photo below explains why she needed to know.

So needless to say Nat has a new nickname now.

Nat: Dave bought me a new pillow, but it smells like that drink the cowboy.
Me: Well I guess that's a good thing as long as you like the smell of cowboys.
Nat: Dave thinks it smells like bamboo, does bamboo smell like alcohol?
Me: I...don't know what bamboo smells like. How is this possible? Mum, I've never smelled bamboo.
Mum: Seriously? You smell everything.
Me: I know. I guess that's something I have to add to the bucket list now. 

Me: Do you have some scissors I can borrow?
Sam: Certainly. Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find.
Me: Marco and ye shall polo?

And finally, Natalie had to have an MRI on her back this month, and she very helpfully wrote down some of the thoughts she had whilst strapped into a giant humming tube. With her permission I am repeating all of her thoughts below. As someone who has had several MRIs I can confirm that some of these thoughts are the same ones everyone has whilst stuck in those horrible machines. 

Thoughts from the MRI machine.... story by Natalie 
I'm really glad I put on pretty underwear... this robe covers nothing! 
I could be in a dubstep music video. 
Is the machine laughing at me? 
It sounds like the machine is saying "hahahahaha" let's see what else I can hear the machine saying ...:
"Party party party"
"Paddle battle"
"Don't cry" 
"Dub dub dub"
"Wub wub wub" 

I think someone is playing the theramin... they should make a cd of mri noises and sell it for Halloween parties. Some of these sounds are really creepy. 

Do I even have hands anymore? I can't feel them? I can't feel anything other than pain. I'm gonna have friction burn on my arms from the bed moving up and down... 
something is burning my arm... aaaaand now it's burning my leg

Of course my face is itchy right now

And that's all from me. Don't forget to check out all the other blogs participating.

Saturday, 19 August 2017

August Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for Fly on the Wall. In this series, bloggers join together to share with you just some of the insanity you would see if you were a fly on their wall.

This month 8 other bloggers are participating, so be sure to visit them all to see all the fun that has happened this month.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Cynful Thoughts                                
Evil Joy Speaks                              

Me: If it's not broke...
Nat: Buy a new one?
Me: No, don't fix it.
Nat: Oh right, I always get that one wrong.

Me: Miss K and I played tug-of-war with my pants today. I wanted to see if I could make them longer.
Mum: As you do.
Me: It didn't work unfortunately, I still have flood pants.

Nat: Tristan and I picked Ben up from work last night, and he was in a mood when he got in the car, he said it was because he'd had an argument with a woman at work about this "stupid plebcicle" When he said that Tristan and I both just lost it and started laughing. I had to explain to him that it was pronounced plebiscite.
Me: Oh please tell me he was calling it a plebcicle during the argument. That would have just made it ten times better.

Dad: I don't think I impressed Kim's friend too much?
Me: Oh? Why not?
Dad: Well I wanted a glass of wine, so I asked if either of them wanted a top up, and the friend did. So I asked her how many fingers she liked and both of them just started laughing. Shortly after that she found a reason to excuse herself for the night.
Me: I told Kim there had to be a good reason why you can tolerate me more than her, and now I know.

Miss K's school is doing a dress up parade at the end of book week. There have been many discussions over the past few weeks about costume ideas.
Me: I think I'm just going to say I'm dressing Miss K up as Where's Wally for the book parade and then just not send her to school that day.
Mum: That's genius. Then if they ask you where she was you can just say she was there the whole time, they just couldn't find her.

My nephew Matty was pretending to clean me with a tree branch
Matty: There you go, you're all clean. Oh, wait you'll never be really clean, you have a filthy mind.
Me: Ooh burn. You're too young for that level of sass young man.
Matty: Nope.

Mum: What's that on your butt? It's a chocolate sultana.
Me: Oh that's where that went. I lost it last night and spent ages looking for it. Except I was looking on the floor. It never occurred to me to search my butt.

Eliza: Have you ever broken down the word assassination? Ass sass in nation. Nation is the best place to have ass sass.

I was chatting on the phone with a friend Helen. Her daughter went to kindergarten with Miss K, and they're now both in prep together, so Helen and I spend a lot of time together.
Helen: There, I've just washed my makeup off my face.
Me: What? Did you just say you just put toilet water on your face?
Helen: No you drongo, I just washed my make up off.
Me: Oh thank goodness.

Me: Miss K thinks I have a magic butt.
Mum: Well that's...special.
Me: She kept putting things on my seat right as I was about to sit down, so I'd just palm them while she wasn't looking and she was convinced I was really making them disappear.
Mum: Well one day she's going to find out your butt isn't magic at all, just really big.
Me: Thanks. She was so disappointed when she found out her butt couldn't make things disappear, she just kept saying "I don't have a magic butt like you mum"

Sam and I were regaling her two kids with stories of the stupid things we've done in the past.
Sam: See this scar on my thumb? I worked in a restaurant when I was 17 and one day I chopped off the tip of my finger while cutting up the lettuce. I should have gotten stitches but the tip of the thumb got thrown out with the lettuce.
Me: I had to get stitches once. I cut my arm open cleaning up the glass I broke when I drove through my lounge room window and ended up with 5 stitches in my arm.
Eliza: Why did you drive through your lounge room window?
Me: I was trying to do a 3 point turn in my driveway and the lounge room got in the way.
Matty: How are you two still alive?

Sam: Remember that time we were playing Greek wedding with the kitchen tiles?
Me: Yeah, I sliced my thumb open with one of the broken tiles.
Eliza: What?
Sam: The kitchen in the first house your dad and I lived in had these horrible, ugly tiles on the wall, so we pulled them down, and started smashing them together like the Greeks do at weddings.
Me: And then we took sharpies and wrote swear words all over the exposed wall.
Eliza: What? why?
Sam: We were going to paint the walls anyway so we decided to have some fun since it was all going to be covered over soon anyway.
Me: I think Brad even drew a few penises for good measure
Sam: Except then we didn't end up getting the paint, and shortly after we moved out and left dad in the house with the swear words all over the kitchen. He had to paint it himself when he got sick of looking at it.

Well that's it for this month, I'll leave you with a photo of Miss K in her brand new ballerina uniform. We've started her in ballet this month to improve her balance and co-ordination and she's absolutely loving it. Every time I have to get her dressed for class she runs around the house in this uniform yelling "I'm a ballerina!!"

Saturday, 22 July 2017

July Fly on the Wall

Welcome one again to Fly on the Wall. The monthly series where a bunch of bloggers join together to share the crazy things you'd see and hear were you a fly on the wall in their house.

This month 8 bloggers are participating, be sure to check out all their links below to keep up the fun.

Menopausal Mother                    
Go Mama O                              
A Little Piece of Peace                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Matty had some McDonalds chips and he was feeding them to some seagulls when he discovered that Finding Nemo was all a lie.
Matty: They don't sound like they're saying "Mine" at all.

Mum: Miss K went to the toilet last night while I was in bed, and she's chatting to herself happily until she stops, and then goes "Ugh, not again." then went back to chatting.

Nat: I could always tell when my period was coming because my drinks of Coke would start to taste like hot dogs.

Miss K: Mum, what are you doing?
Me: I'm plucking a hair on my chin.
Miss K: Is that cos you're turning into a boy?
Me: Run away now little girl.

Nat: Dave was walking out of the room the other day and I thought he said "I'm going to go to the toilet and blame myself." I started laughing at him and told him what I heard. He went to the toilet and then I heard him saying "It's all my fault somehow"

Me: Alright, I'm going to go cook dinner now.
Miss K: I've already had dinner.
Me: What? No you haven't
Miss K: Yeah, I had a lollipop for dinner.
Me: A lollipop isn't dinner.
Miss K: Yes it is, I'm not hungry now.

I was serving ice cream for dessert one night.
Miss K: I love you.
Me: Are you talking to me or the dessert?
Miss K: The ice cream.

I was tearing the house apart looking for my shoes one day.
Me: Miss K have you seen my shoes?
Miss K starts giggling and runs out of the room. I follow her to her playroom where she is standing next to her toy box. Neatly placed inside her toy box were my shoes.
Miss K: I hid them from you.

Mum: So there's a cleaning product at work called Speed. Tonight Merv came in asking for a mop and bucket to clean an area and as he was walking out I yelled out after him "I've got some speed on the top shelf if you want it." It wasn't until I finished saying it that I realised how bad it sounded.

Well that's all from around here, don't forget to check out all the other blogs.

Thursday, 6 July 2017

Product Review - P'ure Papaya Care

Hello again everyone I am back to share another amazing product with you. As you all know I'm a sucker for natural beauty products. Especially when it comes to my daughter, I hate the thought of lathering her up with products full of harmful chemicals. So when I was contacted by the makers of P'ure Papaya Care I jumped at the chance to check out their products.

Phytocare is a company that makes 100% natural skin care products. Their products were created by a Daniel Baden, a naturopath with over 30 years experience in the industry, who has seen the long term effects that continued use of harmful chemicals has on skin, and he wanted to do something about it, so he started his own range of skincare products. The P'ure Papaya Care range has no petrochemicals in them at all, instead using all natural ingredients that are beneficial for your skin.

I was sent bottles of their papaya ointment as well as their vapour balm, and I was hooked from the beginning. The papaya ointment is so thick and creamy when you apply it, a little bit really goes a long way with this product, and even Miss K liked putting it on after a shower. You can feel the difference straight away once you've applied the ointment, and your skin feels so soft for ages afterwards. I'm not going to lie, I became a little bit obsessed with this stuff, and it got to the point where I had it sitting on my coffee table. so that any time someone new came into the house they'd have to ask about it and I made them all try it. This stuff is a definite winner, and with winter finally here I'm going to be keeping it in my handbag at all times now to help me battle the horrible dry skin I end up with every year.

The papaya vapour balm was awesome too. I wasn't sure whether we'd get a chance to try this one or not, but wouldn't you know it, Miss K and I both ended up with horrible colds shortly after my package arrived, which gave me the perfect excuse to give it a test run. The balm is made with eucalyptus and lemon myrtle, and to be honest I wasn't sure I would like that combination, but for some reason the smell reminded me of camping trips with my dad when I was a kid. (Normally dragging those memories up require three more months of therapy, but this time it made me feel happy) The smell is really refreshing which is always a plus for me, but more importantly the balm worked wonders on stuffy noses during the night and I slept easy knowing that I wasn't going to be woken up by two blocked noses at 3am. And because there are no petroleum based products in the balm either it didn't have that heavy greasy feeling you normally get with vapour rubs, which is part of the reason I normally just tough out blocked noses when I'm sick, but not any more.

One of the best aspects of these products is the lack of harmful chemicals. There is no petroleum based products in there, no artificial fragrances or preservatives, no nasty stuff at all. Just natural oils and ingredients. There is no palm oil, they don't test on animals and they are certified 100% natural, meaning the P'ure Papaya Care range is safe for the whole family to use. This product ticks all the boxes, and they are reasonably priced too, which is just the icing on the cake.

So if you suffer from dry, irritated skin and you're looking for a natural product to get your skin glowing again, check out P'ure Papaya Care today.

I received free products from P'ure Papaya Care for the purpose of this review. All opinions given here are my own and have in no way been influenced by P'ure Papaya Care or anyone else. Searching for Sanity is not affiliated with P'ure Papaya Care or their associates in any way.

Saturday, 24 June 2017

June Fly on the Wall

Welcome back to Fly on the Wall. This month 7 bloggers are joining together to show you all the weird and wonderful you would see if you were a fly on the wall in their house.

Fly on the Wall
Below is a list of all the blogs participating today, be sure to visit them all to enjoy all the crazy.

Menopausal Mother                     
A Little Piece of Peace                    
Never Ever Give Up Hope               
Bookworm in the Kitchen                      

Miss K: Mum you're a bandage.
Me: I'm a what?
Miss K: You're a bandage, a bad guy.
Me: Oh you mean bandit.
Miss K: Yeah. You're going to jail.

I got a call from Nat one night and she was in hysterics. I had direct instructions that the story she was about to tell had to be included in this post. I'd be more embarrassed to share this story were it not for the fact that this is just typical shenanigans for my dad and Kim.

So Dad and Kim travelled with Nat and her boyfriend Dave into the city to help one of our nieces celebrate her 18th birthday. They caught a tram into the city square, but the line they caught can be pretty confusing, some tram stops are placed at traffic lights, and others are placed after them. It turns out the stop they wanted was one of the stops placed after the traffic lights, but they didn't know this. So the tram stops at a red light and announces the name of their stop, so dad and Kim head towards the automatic doors and wait for them to open, except they don't because the tram isn't at the stop yet. So in true Kim form she started to panic and frantically pull at the doors, the stop button, anything she can get her hands on with no luck. Dad tries the door too but given he's a 64 year old man and the doors are electric he was no match for them. Nat and Dave tried to explain to both of them that they weren't at the stop yet, but neither were in any mood to listen to her and just kept pulling on the doors. It took a stranger to calm them down and explain that they needed to wait until the tram actually arrived at the designated stop before they could get off the tram.

So that part was bad enough, and it had me giggling pretty hard already. However, while I was on the phone with Natalie as she told me this story she had to stop talking for about two minutes to laugh, because while she'd turned her back on the group to speak to me, Kim had wandered off on her own and mistaken some random old man for dad and was currently trying to pull this poor confused man back with her to join the group. 

Words of encouragement from mum on my birthday

So I turned 33 at the end of May, and I decided that the best way to commemorate the increase in my age was to spend a day playing computer and board games at Sam and Jason's house, coupled with large amounts of junk food. I always say growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Miss K and I were cooking dinner together one night.
Miss K: Mum, smell my fart.
Me: I don't want to smell your fart you feral.
Miss K: Ha ha, you already did.

Miss K has a reading log she's meant to bring home from school every single night. One night it wasn't in her bag, and she told me her teacher had instructed her to throw it away. I questioned her for ages because I knew that wasn't something that her teacher would say but she was insistent that she was just doing what she was told. So the next morning I went to see her teacher...
Mrs R: I looked in my bin last night and found Miss K's reading log in there.
Me: Yeah, she told me you told her to throw it away?
Mrs R: Oh. Oh, no there was a sticky note on the front, and it was looking pretty ratty so I pointed to that and told her she could throw it away as she didn't need it any more. I guess I should have been more specific.
Me: Yeah, she's a pretty literal person. 

Miss K's teacher is starting to learn just how literal Miss K is. However the work sheets she hands out aren't quite as sympathetic as she is. One sheet instructed the kids to draw a picture of a boy standing outside in spring. Sure enough Miss K translated that instruction literally and drew a picture of a boy surrounded by metal springs. 

Nat called me one day while I was at work with Sam, and after a short chat we ended the call, mainly because we both needed a bathroom break.
Me: Ok, I'm gonna go now, I'll be thinking of you while I'm on the toilet.
Nat: Thanks, you have fun with that, bye.
Sam: You two have a weird relationship.

I was working on a drawing of a taco while at work one day, and I decided to give him a sad face.
Sam: Why does that taco look so sad?
Me: He doesn't want to taco-bout it.
Cue me rolling on the floor at my hilarious dad level joke. 

Sam: So I was just having a dream that we were on the space station and we decided to play hide and seek, except something went wrong and you broke a window and we were about to get sucked out into space.
Me: Well it's a good thing that I woke you up then.
Sam: It is. Also if you ever do end up on the space station, please don't play hide and seek.
Me: Duly noted.

So that's all from this crazy corner of the world, I'm off to hunt out (or create) more shenanigans for next month.
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